Saturday Morning

Saturday Morning

4:28 listening to Arthur’s plinky plonky sleepy music machine and hoping he falls back to sleep.

God, I just really wish I had not eaten so much pizza last night.

I feel like the slices of pizza are slotting back together inside me and forming into a kind of anthropomorphic pizza. A Frankenstein pizza. A pizzastein? A Frankzza?

IMG_3995Maybe something like this?

IMG_3996Or this?

Not sure which is more terrifying. Anyway, thankfully have fairly recently been pregnant so I do have a pint size bottle of Gaviscon downstairs somewhere.

06:25 Feeding the baby agaaaain

Pizza monster seems to have died down or is at least at rest. Or perhaps baby is draining him out in liquid form.

It is at times like this when I do wonder if bottle feeding would have been easier. My decision to breast feed this time around is more to do with making my life easier than with health benefits. That might seem hard to believe but first time around I was desperate to succeed with breastfeeding and struggled so much to get the hang of it. I was absolutely determined not to use bottles but then, after seeing that the babies of many of my friends were just fine on formula and did not grow any extra heads or anything I have been much more relaxed about it this time round.

The thing is though, ultimately breastfeeding means an excuse to not do the washing up rather than increasing the volume of washing up. Also, it uses up as many calories in a day as cycling up hill for an hour and lets face it, I am not going to be cycling up any hills at the moment. My decision to breastfeed this time is essentially lazy. One of my grandmothers told me that she used to look forward to breastfeeding as it meant she could have a nice sit down with a drink and a cigarette. Oh the good old days!

7:06 Eating toast and watching the incompetent postman with Audrey. Arthur batting things on his mat.

Well, I have basically spent the last few hours (while the rest of the world has been asleep) feeding and dealing with poos from my children. It is a glamorous life. Thank God for coffee and CBeebies.

09:11 Building stuff out of blocks with the big kid. The baby has finally gone to bloody sleep.

Check out my new favourite mug (until Audrey can read)




My CBeebies hit list

My CBeebies hit list

You may have read my post about how I let my child watch TV. It’s true! I know. I know. Awful parent. I believe in all things in moderation. Well, nearly all things.

Anyway, I have watched a fair bit of CBeebies over the last four years, from sticking on ‘Me Too!’ at stupid o’clock in the morning to settling down for an episode of Audrey’s most beloved, ‘Topsy and Tim,’ before dinner.

Well it’s about time for a bit of a run down of who, from the collected CBeebies characters, I would most like to exterminate and why. Here we go,


1., PC Plum.

‘I’m PC Plum and I’ll tell you what I’ve done, I’ve peddled round this fair old island once or twice,’

Yes, well, I’m sure you have officer but this is a kids show and we really don’t want to hear about it. Seriously though, PC Plum is the most inept police officer, possibly ever. He seems way more concerned with finding peoples doggies, stroking owls and looking at butterflies than actually doing any real police work. Get off your arse and catch some crooks PC Plum!! Stop farting around looking at nature with a magnifying glass!


2., Postman Pat

Look, I know he’s a classic and yes, I used to watch him as a child too but even back then I found his out of proportion head, nose and lack of fingers a little disturbing, not to mention the way that every single day he totally f***s up at his job. We all have a bad day at work from time to time but Pat takes it to a whole new level.

Buck your ideas up Pat! Oh and grow an extra finger!


3., Drum from Zingzillas

Seriously, what is up with Drum? Why can’t she speak in sentences?

That is enough of a reason actually.



4., Topsy and Tim’s Mum

She is way way too cheerful about having twins, always has a clean and tidy house and somehow manages to find the time to go for a jog despite obviously not needing to lose any weight or improve her figure at all. Look, here she sits, merrily removing lice from the heads of her subservient children. Exterminate!


5., Rosie from ‘Everything’s Rosie.’

She is just so laaaame. It’s like someone has bleached her personality. Her hair is made of ribbons, she keeps a bunny prisoner, she has a squeaky voice . . . need I continue?

6., All of these little thingys. What are they called . . . Piplings??

These annoy me for one main reason, there is no way that their tiny little bodies can possibly support the weight of their heads. I mean, there may be many other annoying things about them, but that is their main offence.

7., Raymond from ‘Me Too.’

He is just plain old irritating and that it is all really. It’s something about his facial expressions and relentless cheerfulness despite working in a cafe on a train and being made to wear some horrific outfits. Generally the wardrobe department for this programme have got a lot to answer for.

8., Mister Maker.

Movements too jerky. Craft activities very mediocre.

9., The Pontipines.

I enjoyed a Pontipines episode of In the Night Garden when Audrey was into it about as much as I enjoyed a Sun and Jin episode when I was into watching Lost.

10., Kip from Andy’s Wild Adventures

Aside from having a very irritating voice, being a right little smarty pants and generally projecting her anxieties onto everyone else my main issue with Kip is, why oh why does she never get out of the ‘Kip’ mobile? There is always some excuse. She’s going to stay and ‘clean’ the kip mobile. She’s going to stay and have a little sleep. She has to stay behind and keep an eye on the kip mobile. Yeah right Kip! Enough with the excuses. Get out of the magical golf buggy and get involved.

I leave you with the dulcet tones of PC Plum.