Life with a newborn; expectation vs reality.

Life with a newborn; expectation vs reality.

I had imagined whilst waiting for my first baby, that the few weeks after giving birth would be like a kind of holiday.  My husband would be off work and so would I, and even though we would be tired we would just have this happy glow. We would look at each other lovingly as we wandered around town with our newborn in the pram and sing nursery rhymes together as we gently rocked our little bundle of joy to sleep.

In this fantasy I would also look and feel fantastic. I would not look pregnant anymore and would just spend hours gazing at my happy baby. Relatives would visit and have a go holding the baby and we would all laugh over the amusing anecdote which my birth story would become.

Something along the lines of, me, plopping down my cutlery in the middle of dinner and suddenly announcing, ‘the baby is COMIIIIIING!!’ whereupon slapstick Benny Hill music starts playing as we pack the car for the hospital, jump in, speed down the road and arrive at the hospital just in time for the baby to pop out with a few minutes worth of gas and air.

Relatives would come and go, marvelling at my natural mothering ability, then maybe we would stroll out (in my pre pregnancy jeans) for a long lunch somewhere and I would do my first public breastfeed by just discretely popping the baby’s head under my (non maternity) top and use my free hand to casually fork a salad into my mouth (ha ha, in this fantasy I am eating a salad?). Such effortless multi tasking!!

I felt that having a baby would be hard in the same way that work is hard and that we would flop down onto the sofa at the end of the day and snuggle our little newborn to sleep while we watched telly and maybe relaxed with a glass of wine.

I imagined that breastfeeding would be as simple and as painless as it looked in those adverts for follow on milk (ironic though, really, because if breastfeeding was so wonderful, why use follow on milk, right?). That my baby would lie patiently and peacefully waiting for milk, latch on like a dream and snuggle up with me while I watched leaves falling off a tree through the window.

I knew that my emotions would be heightened due to hormones and adjusting to being a parent. I imagined calmly brushing a few tears of joy from my cheek as I lovingly watched my newborn sleeping.

Well.

What the motherf****ing hell was I thinking? Where on earth did I get these stupid ideas from? The shock of life with a newborn baby was only softened by one kind friend who told me the truth about her own experience. i.e. that it was the most shitty and awful time of her life.

Now, there’s a lot of people saying that you should not tell pregnant women horror stories, but surely now we have created a culture where not telling the truth has become the equivalent of blindfolding a couple and telling them you’re leading them into a room full of friendly puppies when in fact, you are about to fling them into a pit full of venomous snakes.

I am so grateful that my friend told me how totally awful the first couple of weeks would be. It made me feel much less guilty when I found myself, instead of floating on a love filled cloud nine, actually having the absolute worst, most stressful, painful, bloody, sleep deprived, tear soaked, nipple cracking, horrible time of my life.  Yes, yes, it was all worth it and yes, I had a beautiful newborn baby and I was grateful and lucky and everything and blah de blah blah blah but oh my God, where to start?

Let’s start with breasts.

On day 3 (or thereabouts) your boobs will feel as if someone has scooped all the flesh out and instead, crammed each breast fit to burst with several bags of heavy pebbles. Around this point you will also start crying hysterically, about everything. Well, I did anyway. It’s just hormones but I had lots of other things to cry about too.

I had trouble getting the baby to latch on properly which led to a lot of intense pain while feeding and eventually, deep, bleeding cracks on one nipple. Breastfeeding should not hurt but it did for me. It hurt despite all the information I had about getting the correct latch and the special breastfeeding antenatal class I attended. The intense suck at the beginning of each feed hurt so much that I wanted to throw the baby across the room. She was so hungry she would be screaming and shoving her little fists in her mouth constantly.

She just cried and cried and cried and we didn’t know what to do with her. She cried from 5 or 6 in the evening till about midnight every night. If attached to a boob she would not be crying but the pain was so unbearable that I couldn’t keep her on my boob all night. I just couldn’t do this breastfeeding thing. I started to dread each feed and with each feed being every two or three hours around the clock, breastfeeding just felt like a kind of 24 hour torture.

Would just like to say at this point that a combination of lansinoh cream, you tube videos about how to breastfeed (more accessible than a breastfeeding support group at 3am), nipple shields when the cracks were really bad and sheer luck got me through in the end. Oh, and there’s a really great website called kellymom for advice and information. My baby just seemed to get how to latch on properly at about three weeks in, otherwise I definitely would have switched to formula. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Sometimes you are doing everything you can but the baby just won’t conform. Once she got it I was ok.

Some Mums have no problems at all with breastfeeding. They might be lying, or on really good painkillers after a c section, or just really really lucky. I have to say that for me, the first few weeks of breastfeeding my child was quite literally, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Harder than labour for sure.

I have not covered labour in this post. I had planned a home birth with lots of relaxing music and an inflatable birthing pool. In the end I was strapped to a dodgy monitoring machine and induced on a labour ward, which included rather traumatic complications and a trip to theatre for an operation after delivery.Here’s what I looked like at the start of my pregnancy.Here’s what I looked like after giving birth.

I looked and felt like a total wreck. I was just as enormous as when I was pregnant except more swollen and insane looking. I had burst a blood vessel in my eye (which my husband named my terminator eye) from pushing so hard during the birth.


My whole body was covered in a mysterious itchy hive like rash, maybe an extra f**k you from my immune system. Down below was the site of some serious damage and Dr Frankenstein like stitch repair work. I felt like, instead of a baby, I had actually given birth to one or all of the following; a live grenade, Edward Scissor Hands, a large coil of barbed wire, a running chainsaw, a stick blender, a cheese grater . . .

. . . you get the picture. Going for a wee was quite a traumatic event.

I was anaemic, knackered, in pain, traumatised, stressed and just constantly sobbing about everything and nothing.

Never mind all that though coz guess what?

You’ve just had a baby and you know what that means don’t you?

Everyone you know, like literally everyone, wants to come round to your house to ‘meet the baby’ (have you make them a cup of tea while they wake your baby up, make it cry, hand it back to you and then go home so that the next lot of people can come).

Can we come over and meet the baby? We’ll come at the time most convenient to you.

Really? Ok then, how about 3am? Oh. Oh, what? You’ll be asleep? Well you know who won’t?

Me. Me and my baby.

After all you have been through, no matter how awful you feel, a good night’s sleep is not on the cards. Neither is an average nights sleep or a bad nights sleep. Forget about night and day, you have left that world behind. The night never ends and neither does the day.

The early hours were the loneliest times.

I found breast pads were very handy for wiping away tears. Shit, I did so much crying. It was definitely not the jolly holiday I was expecting.

After a while though I did have a bit of a revelation. I remember saying to my husband, my poor, poor husband who thought I was going nuts, that all I could do for the rest of his paternity leave, literally all I could do was to sleep and feed the baby. I asked him if for the rest of his parental leave, he could do everything else; all the changing, cuddling, rocking, dressing and washing of the baby, all of the laundry, shopping, tidying, cooking, tea making, cleaning and washing up around the house.

And you know what?

He did.

Instead of hanging around in beer gardens having a ‘fun’ time with my husband I got something else. When I really needed him, like I actually had never needed him before, he was there, or more to the point, he wasn’t just there, he was there and changing nappies and driving the baby round the block at 11pm so I could sleep.

I remember telling my mother in law (whilst crying obviously) that she should be so proud of her son because he was really looking after us and that I couldn’t believe how lucky I was, at which point she obviously joined in the crying with me.

Quite a few people cried with me actually. My midwife shed a few tears with me when I sobbed to her about how incredibly hard I was finding it all and when I confessed to her how I had shouted,

‘Will you just STOP SHOVING YOUR FISTS IN YOUR MOUTH SO I CAN FEED YOU!’ Right into my little baby’s face.

My friend came all the way up from London to cry with me (and eat chocolate) one evening when I had txt her in the afternoon saying, ‘I am just finding this so hard. I can’t stop crying. I can’t breastfeed. Please help!!’

My Mum cried with me over the phone and then came to stay with us for a while which was just such a relief. She did amazing things like cleaning and tidying our whole house and sitting up with me through night feeds and everyday, no matter what, telling me I was doing a fantastic job.

And then one morning, when I went to get the baby out of the Moses basket for her first feed I saw this.


She was smiling at me. Me, the wobbly, sobbing, gibbering wreck. The crap breastfeeder who shouts at babies and, at just a few weeks in, already felt like a terrible mother.

I can do this, I thought.

I can do this now.

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133 thoughts on “Life with a newborn; expectation vs reality.

  1. I wish someone had told me while I was pregnant. I knew it was tough, but I didnt expect THAT! I had family and friends that were trying to help, however, although it was so hard, I felt i had to do it by myself, and that made it harder!The first few weeks is actually the reason I can’t decide to go for a 2nd baby! Hopefully it wont be that hard.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Second time was so so much easier for me.

      You don’t have to become a parent all over again. You are already a Mum and you know to be kind to yourself now and not try to do too much in the first few weeks!

      Also, feeding was loads easier second time around.

      I think that now I have two I would say it is actually easier than having an only child because they entertain each other!

      Like

  2. Felt like I was reading about my experience with birth and newborn! Yes I think we shouldn’t sugar coat the reality of having a newborn, it’s the hardest most wonderful experience in your life, but nothing prepares you for the emotional roller-coaster!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel like you’ve just written about my first long weeks with my daughter except I lost the breastfeeding battle and was forced to put my daughter on formula.
    Thank you! Your story has made me feel like I wasn’t alone and that the guilt I have felt for not having a wonderful time with baby in the beginning was unnecessary. The trauma of what we went through has not been forgotten even 3 years down the road. Even though my daughter is the most amazing little person now, the thought of doing that all again terrifies me.
    I hope I will someday get over it all, and I can give my daughter a sibling, but for now I’m loving having this little person who hardly cries, tells me whats wrong if she does cry, uses the toilet, sleeps through the night and rewards me by saying “I love you soooooo much mommy”.

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    1. Just want to say that I have two now and it is easier for me than having one.

      My son did not cry in the evening. Feeding was not an issue with him and they entertain each other.

      If you want to, you should totally go for it and have another child. You have already become a parent, that was the hardest part for me and the massive adjustment first time round.

      Having two is weirdly easier for me now (unless they both have a vomiting bug, that is deffo not easier with two)

      Like

      1. You’ve described my experience with my first born daughter down to a tee, even the part where I had a son second time round and it was so much easier, I was far more chilled and walked far less like John Wayne; altogether a much more enjoyable experience, which of course I feel immense guilt for not having felt that with my first born. The only saving grace to this is had I not, oooopsie, have gotten pregnant for the second time (there’s a year and 3 weeks between them) then there is no way I’d have willingly gone through that again. All the way through my 2nd pregnancy was filled with dread rather than the I’ll informed fantasy I had going on in my head on my first pregnancy. Jade 2nd time was, as they say, like shelling peas. X

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, finally some useful information for a first time mum to be!
    You are my hero, I can’t thank you enough for being so candid and sharing your account of the brutal transition that is becoming a parent and caring for a newborn. I have all of that ahead of me in 10 or so weeks’ time, and even though I expected it would impossibly tough at the beginning, I don’t think my expectations even came close to what the reality is going to be! It is so helpful having someone share their experience warts and all, so often parents are afraid of scaring mums to be and this information just doesn’t seem to get shared. Almost like it’s a taboo to talk about.
    So thank you for going there! I feel relieved going into the business end of my third trimester having a good idea of what I can expect in those first few impossible months, and knowing that I won’t be alone makes the world of difference.

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    1. Everyone is different. I spoke to plenty who loved the beginning part.

      This is just a blog so only one persons experience, ie mine!

      At least you know it’s ok if you struggle and that you are not alone. I don’t want to scare anyone, just alleviate some of the guilt and shame that mums feel when they do struggle and to have a laugh at my expense.

      All the very very best for you and your little one.

      If I can just spread the news about lansinoh cream I feel as if I have done a great service to women!!

      Like

  5. Wow you rock!!! Thanks for telling it like it is! I’m pregnant with my second and actually needed the reminder of how tough it can be!! 🙂 Btw you looked amazing after birth! I would given anything to look that great! 🙂

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  6. I had my first baby over 29 years ago and your story brant back lots of memories. I always felt I could t enjoy her like I should of in the early days. I was in hospital fo 7 days so I was given lots of help with the breastfeeding, but nothing prepares with your first few weeks at home!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is FANTASTIC, exactly my expectations and reality. So true, so honest, so brilliant! Xxx thank you, love hearing someone tell it how it is (minus comical exaggeration) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you so much for sharing you journey. I can relate. Breastfeeding was not great for me. My baby had some issues with partial tongue tie and tight jaw. for the first year I got breast infections and blebs a lot. He grew out of it but was hsrd. also the whole recovery..not easy. It was after my experience that I decided I want to go into massage therapy and cranial sacral therapy and focus on womens health. I found that the few massages I got during the first weeks was very healing. I want to help women especially during the difficult postpartum time. Oh and I have heard very few say breast feeding was amazing and pleasant their first round. Thank you again

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Your post really does bring it all back to me; the experience of having my first, who is now 4.
    Although I had a much easier birth by the sounds of it (v lucky!) everything else you write sounds exactly what I went through.
    I had to rely entirely on husband and my mum to do everything – ALL I did for the first few months was breastfeed around the clock…

    The sad things are that I believe all new first time mums do feel alone at some point, regardless of how much support they get – because there just isn’t enough shared knowledge available to women before they become mothers.

    But no doubt what gets you through the dark days with a newborn is the shared experience of other mums in the same boat.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I love this so, so much. I also had the horrible cracked nipples (with both kids, and bloody spitup!) and crying and sleep deprivation. I’m in the midst of it now with baby #2 and this is exactly what I needed to read. I am waiting for that frigging baby smile!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh so so so true, i remember stomping one foot really hard over and over just to get through the excruciating breastfeeding pain while attempting to feed. I still have such a clear picture in my head of my husband just looking so lost, and then realising just how lost i felt.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. OH MY HAT!!! I couldn’t stop laughing, then couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I felt EXACTLY the same way. Three weeks in and I was cursing EVERY blog and magazine I had read from other ‘so-called mommies’ who seemed to have the sh*t together straight after delivering. I too have a friend who delivered 3 weeks before me and who gave it to me straight, raw, unedited and just plain honest. I got more from her telling me how she literally can not handle it, than from my sister-in-law who, on the second day after giving birth, looked a million bucks and was preparing a 3 course meal for her guests who came to ‘visit’ the baby!!!!

    I LOVE your blog, btw!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you for writing this!! I had tempered expectations as my sister (whom I’ve very close to) had 2 children prior that I nannied. Unfortunately for me (fortunately for her) she was graced with easy births, and just naturally breastfed without any pain. So when it was my turn and everything hurt like crazy, especially the “being cut by knives” feeling when I breastfed, everyone said that wasn’t normal. And the crying wasn’t normal. And the anxiety wasn’t normal. We’re 2 months in now and I think my husband finally understands after reading this blog (he sent this piece to me). So I wanted to sincerely thank you for putting to words these feelings I couldn’t communicate myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Wow, excellent read and so spot on!

    Even with my 4th child who is now 14wks old, I thought it would be a breeze as I’d done it 3 times already, boy was i wrong! It was even harder than before, had flu for the first 2wks after and the after pains…. Boy did they hurt!
    Its just so refreshing to know that we r not alone
    Xx

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  15. Great post! Almost exactly what it felt like for me. So great to be able to know your partner is there for you in that way – I agree – you think you need them before, but this really sorts the men from the boys! Love being a mum now of a 3. 1/2 year old -feel a lot wiser going into the second pregnancy as well – but I’m sure it will still F me up! Sleep deprivation – it is used as torture for a reason. By the way, Kellymom saved my life at 3am as well – and middle of the night phone calls back home to NZ at 3am, from London. Thanks for writing this.

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  16. Brilliant! Spot on! Hilarious but only because much of it is just so true. Well done on a fantastic read!!!! 🙂 I hope that number 2 will be easier as it was for you. I think it will – as you say it is the becoming a parent transition which is quite frankly mind blowing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, number two so so different, as you say, you are already a parent and you know to be kind to yourself in the early days. Good luck with baby number two x x x

      Like

  17. Such an honest and inspiring account, thanks so much for sharing. Like you i had difficult pregnancy, labour and birth and was unwell afterwards. It was the worst time of my life and hardest thing I have ever done. Like you, I had amazing family and friends and a partner who did everything and anything to help.

    You are right you can do it, my daughter is 21 months and have a five week old son. The good news is second time around your expectations are more realistic, your confidence and mummy knowledge is greater and it’s all just far easier I have found. I was so frightened before having my son that this time would be like the first and I wouldn’t cope. I didn’t want my daughter to see me like that. But I can so clearly y remember the pain I felt in those first few weeks with my daughter because I was coping so badly I just didn’t feel good enough to be her mum.

    I wish people would be more honest about their experiences, as finding it hard has no correlation to your ability to be a good mum or how much you love your child. The only think that made me feel better was the handful of people I spoke to who told me it was horrific for them too.

    Thanks again

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.

      Second time around was much easier for me, I felt so much better and I think that is partly because I didn’t expect so much from myself.

      It’s so hard to adjust to becoming a parent. The more we admit that the more support new mums will get!

      xxx

      Like

  18. This is exactly how I felt! So much so that it bought me to tears with the memory of it. I ended up with PND in the Perinatal ward because I had all the same problems with my lo and was so traumatised and wondering why I even agreed to do this. I endedup having to bottle feed anyway because my so was cow milk protein intolerant. And my hubby was the same, he was a rock for both my son and I. But it’s the real world and throughout all the pain and trauma, you also experience something else…real love x thanks so much for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

  19. It’s so true what’s above.i didn’t have easy labour in fact after 13 days over my due date and 2days induction labour had cezerion and my baby girl who is 2 weeks old now.brest feed too.not easy to run your own business have a boyfriend who talk in work about our “privste” life how baby unsettled and end up I am the rude selfish b…ch coz I ask him to pls tell to your relatives live me little alone let me breath and be with baby and maybe sleep too.he didn’t. And can’t understand why I am tired and frustrated.not he has to feed baby 12,3am,6am and he has skin saying to me I should give up breastfeeding so he can bottle feed her and “help me out” what he wouldn’t just mess up baby routine coz end of the day nit him with baby 24/7.

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    1. You can end up feeling so alone when those close to you don’t understand how you feel. I found baby groups a real support for making supportive friends and getting advice from others going through the same issues.

      Sometimes you just need someone you can have a really honest talk with who knows how you feel.

      It is so hard. I hope you can access some more support x x x

      Liked by 1 person

  20. How funny! How true!
    I can remember how hard it was being a new mum,memories of despair flooding back to me!
    I now work as a midwife and love your posts,I try within my boundaries to always give a honest view of motherhood and the journey ahead for you poor women! I’m saddened to read that some of you feel alone that should never be the case,what ever time of day or night I’d always welcome your call. If anyone feels in the ormskirk area a after birth club would be of advantage even if it’s just for coffee and swap stories with other new mums let me know and i will try and arrange something. There is no right or wrong way just remember your all doing a excellent job and in about 18yrs time you’ll get a full nights sleep!!
    Linda

    Liked by 1 person

  21. My 1st child was like that, she wouldn’t feed off breast and gave up after 3 weeks, but she didn’t like the bottle either, so i had hives too due to being so stressed out, never really had the sleepless nights, and the constant crying so im pleased to not of experienced that, my most difficult time was weaning she would not eat anything . My 2nd was a whole nother story, emergency home birth, no pain relief but a beautiful birth, latched on the moment they arrived, and was a breeze and still is today (age 7). Again never cried much either, sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Love love LOVE this. Totally mirrors my experience – I too was a sobbing blob of jelly for at least three months, and you’ve reminded me how much I appreciate my husband for all he did over those first few endless agonising painful weeks. I remember people telling me how ‘the first four weeks of breastfeeding are the worst’ – I couldn’t imagine getting through the next day, let alone four weeks. Thanks for such brilliant honesty and humour (I was reading out loud to my husband the para about giving birth to Edward Scissorhands etc but couldn’t get through it through laughing too much).

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Good piece here. For me I’m pretty sure I had pre and post natal depression. Last 2 weeks of my pregnancy I was unable to walk because I just didn’t carry my boy well and the whole pregnancy irritated my existing lower back problem which made delivery rough. Recovery was horrendous. I couldn’t walk or sit up for about the first 4 weeks. My tail bone was bruised, public bone separated and twisted, pelvis area completely screwed up onto of episiotomy and other horrible things you get from pushing a kid out. I was in hell, unable to look after my child and wondering if I was able to walk properly again. Around 5-6 weeks my boy started to cry all the time. My husband and I could not cope with this whole lifestyle change. We felt trapped and locked. We were both sleep deprived and we just hated everything about parenthood. Our families were worried about us and couldn’t understand why we just couldn’t settle into our new roles as mummy and daddy. Life with a baby slowed my life down on every single way and I just had difficulty adjusting. I started to ask questions and got frustrating answers like ” oh enjoy this time” enjoy what !????? Enjoy not sleeping !? Enjoy no time to yourself and enjoy not knowing how to settle your baby !?? I was going insane. It was probably my fault that I didn’t read much about babies prior to giving birth but no one told me how hard it was going to be !!!!! I think 10 months was when I accepted my role as mummy and 14 months was when I started to enjoy motherhood. My son will be 16 months in 2 weeks and is going through teething (molars) now so I’m tired and still find some days extremely frustrating and exhausting. I found the first year physically and mentally exhausting. I don’t think I smiled the first 3 months. My baby didn’t have reflux and he was a good sleeper so I didn’t know why I found everything so hard. I remember being scared of my newborn around bedtime. Wondering if he will sleep (and he always did) but that anxiety almost killed me. I remember feeing depressed when the day got dark and every Monday I would think ” how am I going to get through this week?” I enjoyed reading blogs and comments from parents would told the truth about parenthood. I also started to read books that helped me understand the developmental stages babies go through which made it easier for me to understand why they cry and can be hard to manage at times.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. You know the midwife should just print that summary off and hand it to you with your new baby it’s THAT much of an accurate representation of having a newborn.
    This comes from someone who has keeps sarkerly welcoming pregnant friends into the worst club in town…but they don’t believe me. It’s one if those things you have to experience the shitdome of to get.
    It’s great having a baby, it really is. It’s great having your family complete. But it is a whole load of crap sometimes.

    Ps. I once told my second son when he chewing through a my cracked nipples to just eff off. That’s what happens when you mix bugger all sleep with pain like someone sticking a scewer through your nips. Of course instant mum guilt came, but luckily he won’t remember… Unless he’s picked up my choice swear word to keep as his first word…

    Liked by 2 people

  25. I hear you, just wish someone had told you about a birth and postpartum doula and although it would not have stopped how you were feeling it would have given you some much needed emotional and physical support in addition to the wonderful care you got from your husband, friends and family

    Liked by 1 person

  26. what a wonderfully written piece. i have to say i nailed it third time round! i told the midwives i was bottle feeding while in labour, booked in a cleaner to come to my house every day in the first few weeks and bought in a load of preordered food from Cook. And most family and friends were over me having children by number three so no visitors either. Oh and i managed to teach a

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Thank god I’m not the only one!

    With my first child, I could barely lift my arms to cuddle him, as they plopped him on my tummy and then whipped him away. Going back to the ward, was I thinking “I need cuddles”? Nope, all I could think of was sleeping, god I needed sleep!

    Going for a wee was agony, the stitches stung but I found a way of of peeing and not having my foo foo on fire…….I would perch over the bath tub and have the shower head, spraying on my bits. The feeling of relief was amazing!

    My second son was by emergency section. Was it magical? In between me asking the anesthesia Dr for tea, being refused a cuppa during my op and then yacking up like that girl from the exorcist, all I saw was a big head of hair and then I passed out.

    Then came the horrible green poo nappies, peeing and chucking up on me, breasts being sore and walking about like a zombie. …..I never got that Disney fairy tale new baby thing.

    And apart from all of the flapping about, sleepless nights and greasy hair, do I regret it? No, as I have two amazing sons x

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  28. I absolutely love you for writing this. I too was sobbing reading the bit about your husband because mine was exactly the same. There were times when he’d look at me and say, ‘are you alright? You don’t seem with it at all’ and I remember telling my friends I couldn’t see them because I could hardly string a sentence together. I think a lot of women have that rosy idea of what it will be like, you have summed it up perfectly. I had a Terminator Eye too! Can’t wait to read your other posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Thank you… it was so beautifully written and an honest account of the highs and lows of early motherhood. The thing that got me through those hellish days was a mantra (“This too shall pass”) and singing (a LOT!) … I figured if I was singing then I wouldn’t be screaming or crying and it seemed to pacify the baby too. Didn’t matter what I sang really and even now (when the eldest is 14 and the youngest 10), I still sing lullabies and we often sing in the car and round the house too.
    There is no blueprint for babies or motherhood and I think that blogs such as yours are a real help for those Mums who feel that they are not “enough” …
    Its the hardest bloody job in the world, and we all need to help each other out as much as we possibly can, for the next generation as well as for our own sanity!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I love this and wish there were more honest posts like this and more honesty in general around having kids and how hard it is. I have a 9wk old who I love with all my heart. But it has been so hard. Especially the constant crying and the breastfeeding. I think those have been my biggest challenges. All the while feeling like a rubbish mum as everyone else appears to live the dream! The smiles definitely make it worth it though x

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  31. What good read.

    I’ve always told myself that having children will be hard but it’s nice to know exactly what makes it hard.

    Thank you for the insight. A lot a ladies would find it hard to admit that they
    didn’t find it easy.

    My first child is due in October!!

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