On your own.

On your own.

Today has just been a horrid horrid day. Arthur has been screaming much more than usual as he is totally covered in a horrible rash, Audrey has been getting really frustrated with me because I have not been conforming very well with her imaginary camping/sailing expeditions around the house due to caring for the rashy baby. I have been getting really annoyed with GPs in general as they just all say a different thing about Arthur’s rashes and I now have a whole selection of drugs and creams and conflicting advice.

The GP we saw today was very quiet and awkward but as I sat in his office with Arthur and settled Audrey with her ‘Mike the Knight’ game on my phone, I slowly looked around the room and realised that his office was completely trashed. There were about twenty empty mineral water bottles strewn over the floor and all the tables were covered in messy bundles of files and papers that were not even stacked up. It literally looked like someone had gone completely mental in there and just trashed the place before we went in.

The patient who came out before us was a 60+ man wearing a black leather jacket, black beret and his hair in a plait. Late life crisis? Retired jazz saxophonist? Maybe he went mental in there and trashed the place?

And then drank a LOT of water?

Anyway, today has been crap. 

I have also eaten a ridiculous amount of unhealthy food including an entire bag of liquorice comfits (they were not really that ‘comfit’ing), many many hobnobs, a lunch consisting of slices of toast with peanut butter and jam on eaten over the sink whilst hiding from my children, and then when it was finally time for dinner I pretty much ate two dinners worth of food and then finished Audrey’s leftovers rather than throw them in the bin.

I feel hungry all the time at the moment. Luckily I have not managed to actually gain weight as I am exclusively breastfeeding an enormous 6 month old baby around the clock but would really like to feel like my old self again and get back to my pre pregnancy weight.

Right, I am going to make more effort from now on. I am going to stop eating crap, get on top of the ridiculous drug and creams catalogue for Arthur, start doing more excercise than chasing Audrey down the road on her scooter, and generally make more effort to not be a slob and apply make up, do something more constructive with hair, make my house clean and tidy etc. 

I stopped this afternoon to text Sam a little whinge from my day, ‘God I just really wish that today of all days I was not doing all this on my own.’

Or at least that’s what I thought I wrote, what I actually wrote as I discovered later was, 

‘God I just really wish that I was not all on my own.’ 

Which actually sounds a lot lonelier.

Why am I writing this depressing post? 

Well, if you find yourself rifling through the medicine cupboard desperate to find a solution to a mysterious rash while your baby screams and screams in the background, or eating PB and J on toast on your own over the sink while your children are temporarily distracted for ten minutes watching an episode of ‘Bing!’, or just really really wishing that you were not doing this all on your own, at least you know that you are not all on your own . . .

I too am riding the wave of drool, poop, wee, E45 cream, baby nurofen and rice cakes too.

Sometimes all on my own.