Every little helps

Every little helps

Yesterday I was a victim of a violent assault. I am still suffering from the shock of this attack and am trying to deal with the complex emotions which this incident has evoked.

It was an unprovoked and brutal attack. No other members of the public came to my aid or even attempted to contact store security, not even the perpetrator’s father who I noticed looked on with a vacant expression and then, rather gormlessly, glided over to peruse the morning papers near the stationery aisle.

I was struck in the face after attempting to help the perpetrator put on a ‘hello kitty’ baseball cap next to the soft fruit section of my local Tescos. After several failed attempts and repositioning of those annoying little plasticky bits at the back I suggested that my attacker may have outgrown her ‘hello kitty’ baseball cap (which I had struggled to persuade her to wear every single hot and sunny day this summer, but which, after finding in her room one February morning seemed to be the most important ever thing to wear on this particular day) and that perhaps we would have to buy her a new sun hat for this summer.

At these words, spoken softly as I crouched down to calmly talk through my attacker’s disappointment over the matter, she shouted ‘NO!!’ and squarely slapped me across the face with what seemed to be all the strength and effort she could possibly summon.

At this I was forced to abandon my trolley and frog march my attacker back to my car where I performed a kind of ‘citizens arrest’ by giving her a time out on the back seat. After a lot of screaming by my attacker, a failed escape attempt, a lot of kicking of my cars interior and many angry tears, my attackers rage eventually subsided and after a little reconciliatory cuddle I continued with my shopping without any further incident.

That is my story.

My story of violence and of reconciliation.

I shall time them out on the beaches, I shall time them out in the tesco aisles (or just get online delivery), I shall time them out in the fields and in the streets, I shall time them out in the hills, I shall never surrender.

Unless it is really not worth a battle though or I am particularly tired and sleep deprived. Also recently read a book about parenting by Alfie Kohn which suggests that all punishment and reward is totally pointless and harmful for kids anyway. Not sure how he deals with being slapped in the face by his kids in tescos.

Here is a picture of my attacker. Watch out. She is also wanted for impersonating a police officer.

In other news it is also my birthday. Yay!

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