1:25 am Might as well start my day here. Was woken from horrible nightmare in which I was trying to rescue my three year old from a series of large interconnected Perspex cages full of snakes and giant spiders. Sam was trying to help by going round the edge of them trapping spiders in bowls with pieces of paper over the top.

‘Don’t trap them! KILL the bloody things for God’s sake!!!’ I shout over to him climbing towards our crying daughter.

‘It’s unnecessary to kill them,’ he replies, ‘and it just leaves a nasty looking stain on the wall.’

Just as I get to my daughter I wake up and realise that I am not in fact covered in writhing snakes but that the baby is grizzling and has a leaky nappy.

I change, feed and burp him and pop him back in his cot with a clean grow bag and an extra blanket.

He’s just drifting off now. We have one of those little music players on the side of his cot that plays plinky plonky versions of ‘row row your boat’ etc and projects stars onto the ceiling. It is awesome.

Sam is twitching in his sleep. Maybe he’s dreaming of trapping giant spiders in mixing bowls.